OOOH MY GOODNESS! I have had some pretty embarrassing moments on stage, but this one was right up there. I’m sitting in my hotel room in Jackson, Mississippi, laying in bed, licking my wounds, wondering what the heck I was thinking.

Okay, here’s what happened. I am back for the THIRD time, speaking for Tougaloo College, so I was really “smelling myself”, thinking of ways to show off my primo speaking skills by doing a completely different message each time I appear. The first two times went well. Today, I got a little greedy and reeeally tried to step out there.

You wouldn’t know this, but I have been working on several projects at once over the last month. One of them is a compilation of my first paid speaking engagements from way back in the day. I mean, so old I had HAIR! I think that’s where things first went wrong. I was listening to some of my old talks, thinking, “Oh yeah, I forgot I used to say that line. That was good!” That, along with all of the coaching I’ve been doing has been urging me to go back and touch up my own talk.

Then…

I just finished reading Joel Bauer’s book on persuasion techniques, where he talks about all these cool magic tricks you can do to excite an audience.

Then…

Uncle Jon decides to do a magic trick for the kids. Yeah…that’s it. They’ll love it!

One thing Joel emphasizes is that the trick isn’t about the trick, it’s about the meaning behind the trick. Do you follow me so far?

So, I decide to close with an old science trick I learned in grade school, where you put an egg in water and it sinks, but when you add salt, it floats. I did it with my niece Chloe a year ago and she nearly wet her pants. This was sure to bring the house down.

Per JB’s instructions, I intended to use the trick as a way to show physical proof of what happens when you make just one change to your environment. This is how the ugly story went down…

ME (out loud): See folks, most of us here, if we don’t choose to think differently, will choose to be at the bottom of the pile because it’s easier down there. We will choose not to stand out or be different. We will make the comfortable choice not to try. But…

(I start pouring salt into the vase)

ME (out loud): …when you just make the choice to play big and stand out for your future…

(I pour a little more salt)

ME (out loud): …when you believe in yourself…

(I pour a little more salt)

ME (in my head): “What the hell? This @!$% ain’t moving! It won’t rise. Do I need some egg Viagra?”

ME (out loud): …when you have a little faith…

ME (in my head): ”AINT THIS A %$#!”

(I take the top off the salt shaker and pour the whole container of salt in the water…desperate for something to happen. Nothing does. The water just gets cloudy.)

ME (in my head): “I can’t believe this %$#!”

ME (out loud): When you…aw screw it. Y’all know what was supposed to happen. You get the point!

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

I was SO PISSED! Furious. I went on and did my ABC’s, but clearly I wasn’t the same. I felt like Charlie Brown after Lucy pulled the football away.

One of the people at the head table happened to be a science teacher. He discreetly leaned over to me when I sat back down and said, “Hey, it happened to me my first time, too. Next time, use warm water.”

I didn’t know whether to say “thank you” or “kiss my grits.”

THE MORAL…

Don’t ever try something for the first time on stage, especially when you are getting paid. I got big-headed and forgot the importance of testing before I go live. No matter how well you think you know a part of your talk, practice it in the car, in your hotel room, over the phone, wherever. Don’t risk your rebooking on what you think you know.

I’m going to end here and walk to the store. I’m buying a dozen eggs and a pound of salt. I’m gonna get this mofo down COLD!

Tags: Charlie Brown, jonathan sprinkles, motivational speaker, professional speaking, public speaking, using props onstage, youth speaker